Kuuliza si ujinga

Here in Tanzania, the art of being a guest is the art of eating. At breakfast you're served three slices of bread, three hard-boiled eggs, popcorn, sweet milk tea, and a variety of fruits. You're pleasantly full at the end, having left one egg uneaten. Then you go to church, and you're invited to eat in the preacher's house after the meal. Now you're very full. But you return to the house your staying at, and two hours later, you're served lunch. And then that evening, there's dinner. And people always look so disappointed when they say "ongeza" (take more) and you respond "Nimeshiba" (I'm full).

The art of being a guest is also the art of being shown around. It's polite, but that doesn't mean it's not annoying after a while. You go to the market to buy things, happy to have reached it by yourself for the first time. But there's a seller at the market who heard you introduce yourself at the church the previous night, and wants to help you around the market and the stores in town. You don't know exactly what you want at the market, so you feel like you're probably getting on her nerves being so indecisive. But you're also bad at being assertive, saying "really I'm fine by myself," and going off to shop alone as you had originally hoped and planned. It sucks feeling like a small child all the time.

The art of being a guest is the art of being served. Unfortunately, this may also mean you have nothing to do. Outside the house, people are cooking, washing dishes, cutting vegetables. You're sitting on the couch in silence with your host. You know that if you offer to help, they'll turn you done. But you're at a loss for something to do with your time.

The art of being a guest is the art of shaking a lot of hands, making a lot of small talk, sitting through awkward silences without feeling too awkward. It's an art where life takes less effort and you don't have to worry about heating water for your morning shower, sweeping your floors, or lighting the charcoal stove for your next meal. But it's also an art where, because everything is done for you, you don't know what to do with yourself and you start to feel incompetent. Often it's better to be lost, exhausted, and overwhelmed than to be sitting bored and very full with absolute nothing to challenge you. It's nice being a guest every now and then. But after being here three months, and being a guest nearly every day of those months, I'm ready to stand on my own and stop being served all the time.